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Sugar, Stop

by The Third Cut

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about

Listen: I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough.



There was a boy of five or six
Whose presence the census does not list
And when you learn his sickly tricks
You’ll see why this young soul was missed

For, you see, like you and me
The lad was partial to something sweet
Not a gum drop or mint his eye did see
That he did not proceed to eat

And this is where the problem lay
For one bag of candy would not suffice
Where you or I would stop for the day
Young Sir had the same again, a minimum of twice

Gobstoppers, sherbet, a strawberry lace
Popping candy, a dolly mixture
A stream of sugar poured into his face
At the pick’n’mix where he was a fixture

Now you may expect he would run to fat
But that’s not the cause of this tot’s fame
You see, the curious thing was that
The more sweets he ate, the sweeter he became

So much of the stuff did he abuse
That soon he had the scientists vexed
As the confectionery began to fuse
With his own young flesh: so what happened next?

Why, things that shouldn’t happen to little boys or girls:
One day he found his hair had gone
Instead he'd grown a head of liquorice curls
And that’s just the start; the list goes on

Toffees for teeth; pear drop eyes
Wham bars for arms and real sponge fingers
His legs were jelly beans of unusual size
You couldn’t mistake him - the image lingers

Golden syrup coursed through his veins
And what's more, it must be noted
Candyfloss throbbed in place of brains
And the entire boy was sugar-coated

But the most terrible thing about this kid
Was not the lime jelly that served for his tummy
It was what he thought, and what he did
When he licked his fruit gum lips and cried out: “Yummy!”

He lifted his hand and plucked a strand
Of liquorice from up top
Polished it off then took another, and
Once he’d started he could not stop

The marshmallow feet were next to go
The speed of the gobbling beyond belief
And all that you now need to know
Is that the only things left were his teef

And being toffees, they did not align
With the records on the dentist’s shelf
So now there is no name assigned
To the boy who ate himself

credits

released January 19, 2021

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The Third Cut England, UK

We’re good-bad, but we’re not evil.

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